Wtf.

Tomorrows my Public Speaking presentation, and i was looking for my fucking msword speech. I couldn't find it, and decided to check my hotmail sent outbox, cause i sent it to my teacher once. And i found it.

Upon finding the fucking msword shit. Something intrigued me. It was an old email to a girl like 2 years ago.

Well, i don't think i got the rights to mention who she was, but i think it's okay for me to post a part of what i have written.




So many thoughts,
I don't know where to begin,
I'll start from my heart,
and what I feel within.

I still have feelings,
which haven't changed,
because when you left me
my life was re-arranged.

I used to cry
so many times a day,
but lately those tears
have been fading away.

I am hoping that
my brighter day soon will come,
and maybe, just maybe,
I'll find that special someone.

Yes, it's been hard,
but I'm getting back my life,
I've even managed
to put away the knife.

I will find someone
who's right for me,
who loves me
and lets me be all I can be.

Yet the thought of you and him,
is tearing me apart,
because you will always have a special place
in my broken heart.

Do I still love you?
Yes, I do,
but another part of me
is getting over you.

I never thought I would say this,
but I simply have to confess,
with each and every day that goes by,
I love you less and less.

I just wanted to be with you,
but now you're gone,
and the time has come
for me to move on.

You meant so much to me,
in fact, you still do,
from the bottom of my heart,
I loved you too.

But what i can do now, is to promise you that,
Whenever you need me, ill be there.
Whenever your feeling low, ill be there.
Whenever you feel like crying, i can lend u my shoulders.
Whenever you need a listening ear, ill be one.
Whenever you need someone to talk to, ill be there.
Whenever someone bullies you, ill be there for you.


我可以.

-
With love and care forever,
Bryan.

Ps: It's not the full version. I cant write the full version, sorry.


I lol'ed. How the fuck was i so romantic last time? LOL.

G.

Help.

G.

D.

Thank you.

It's termtest week, and tomorrow's the fucking termtest paper. I'm not even in the mood for studying. But yea, forget about all this shit right now, i got the fuckin mood to rant.


I suddenly remember, how fucked-up my life was, and how fat i was last time.

Prolly no one knows how i felt when i was the old me.

No one except you guys.

If not for you guys, i wouldn't be what i am today.

Thank you bros, only you guys didn't looked down on me.

Only you all were such true friends, you guys were there whenever i need you guys most.

You guys prolly wouldn't know, even i looked down on myself.

Why the fuck you guys wouldn't look down on me?

Who are the only ones, that knows what it feels when your talking to someone, and that someone thought that your not talking to him?

The someone that couldn't even speak properly to a girl, nor others.

You guys weren't those other fucking people that made me so fucking pissed off, 'hey guanheng, you talking to me?'.

I really thought very bad of myself.

I couldn't imagine my life without you guys.

I'm pretty sorry though, for the past few years, after i've changed, for the relationships and games i went into, probably got us abit gapped.

I still remembered the most fucked-up birthday i had on my 17th. But you guys made it happen, by doing everything you all can.

If people would ask me, why are you living in this world?

The answer is just so plain fucking simple.

I live for you guys..

Thank you all.

Special thanks to, Kuah Tong Teck, Derek Chua, Neo Zhe Wei, Barry Lua, Ivan Lee, Wong Xin Yao, Ho Long Feng, Tan Zhi Zhong.


Until next time, going off for dota game.

icantbestopped.

BCGH_/

Today's Special.

Trust me, never say the below.



Whenever you need me, ill be there.

Whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, ill be there.

Whenever you need someone to share your sorrows, ill be there.

Whenever you need to be comforted, ill be there.

Whenever you don't.

I'll fuck off.

Loving you, doesn't means you must love me in return.

May it be like a one sided love.

Sympathy isn't my cup of tea.

Being together with me, just cause of pity.

Turns me off.

Deep in my heart, i know that i had to let you go.

Cause your just ain't mine to hold.

Copyrighted.
2009, BCGH_/

I actually wanted to write more, not just those short quotes. But i have to go for my dota game.

Until next time.

Peace out.

icantbestopped.

BCGH_/

trying to poetz. _/

So close but so far away.

Never wanted things to be like these anyway.

If yesterday brings a good tomorrow.

I'm never ever gonna see today.

My heart is broken.

And scars split open.

This knife shall be my everything.

And take me from my world.

Take me from this pain.

Make it go away.

icantbestopped.

BCGH_/

When your in love, are you really in love, or are you not?

If you are looking for love, would you recognize it if you found it?

Can you tell the fucking difference between love and infatuation?


Here we go.

For a starter, i shall put it purely into a guy's perspective view.

"How would you know you have found your love, if your looking for one, how could u recognize that she's the one?"

How the fuck can you srsly recognize that you found your love?

Let me state some 'NORMAL' answers that would be possible.

*The girl has got a great character, i love her because of that.

*The girl is so caring and kind, i love her because of that.

*I just love the girl because i love the girl. No whys. Can you explain why is 1+1 = 2?

Let's not waste any fucking time and just say that the answers above are just total bullshit. Yea, you heard me, total bullshit. Your trying to say, you love the girl JUST because of her character?

Reality check.

What makes you notice the girl in the first place?

Her looks. May it be her figure, her cuteness, her hotness, or w/e. The first impression will be always be based on looks. And please don't come arguing that you don't agree on that. It will be just another lame and stupid fucking debate. I wouldn't completely disagree that character is not a factor in loving/liking someone. It will probably be the second factor that we guys would consider. Looks, is a necessity, character wise, it's just a bonus. Face it.

'Can you tell the fucking difference between love and infatuation?'

There is only a thin line of difference between love and infatuation.
Love is really hard to define though. For me, probably i'll define love as any number of emotions, and strong sense of affection that may occurs. Infatuation doesn't differ much from love, but instead, it's the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned love, a probably intense but short-lived passion or admiration of someone. The both are totally different. Let me try to explain it.( If i can LOL, im not claiming to be an expert. Just some simple thoughts from me.)

Finally you have met him or her. All your life, or so it seems, you have been waiting for the person. The person who made you heart pound, made the stars bright, and probably taken all possibly thoughts of making love in any places that you have fantasized of. Food seems a mere inconvenience, and sleep is just something you used to do. Everyone teases you. But still, you felt that every second of your life should be about him/her. You world starts to only revoluntionize around him/her. You want a soul mate, but you couldn't imagine introducing him/her to your mom and dad, cause she/he is just way too sexy.

Then you guys start to go public. Being an item. Everyone knows you and invites you as an couple. People you know and probably yourself would try to speculate about the future of your relationship. But would you fucking dare to speculate or imagine about the future of your relationship? Or are you just afraid to face the commitment that lies ahead of you?

Love is a dynamic changing process.(dynamic refers to time evolution of "physical" processes in this case) Love is always on the move, and changing. Relationships that flexes, changes and grow when people mature. Dynamic process of love equals a sharing of emotion, trust, growth of relationship, able to live harmoniously through time or death, depending on each other in time of crises, taking care of children, and aging relatives.

So is it just infatuation? In infatuation, your gaze, your thoughts, and your world revolves around him/her. You probably didn't care much about his/her flaws, or you had yet to see em. Your probably just acting around in a 'sub-conscious' mind. Your too attracted to her, and you know you can't stop right now. You would probably just miss the nights where you two get all crawly in your underwears. It seems that the world pales in comparison to this person looks, talents, intelligence, and sexuality. Try removing the blinders that prevented you so much from looking at his/her flaws. There could be possible destructive traits in your relationships. Your thoughts on romance was probably just an innocent fantasy. An infatuation that felt like love.

So you would try to argue. Even all that, you think that your love is love. It's not an infatuation. Try to think. What's the real reason that you came into this relationship? Innocence? Lust? Loneliness? A longing to grow up, and be a real man?(LOL) Yea, try thinking of those factors, it would probably help.

Try to differentiate between love interest, or just plain lust interest.

That's all for today.

And one more thing, Junaidi's from Fnatic.

Peace out mofos.

icantbestopped.

BCGH_/

Bryan's Ten Tarnished Angels.

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